i hate my mom's soap operas

I think I should get an acting or writing job on one of mom's soaps. I mean, they're so terrible! I'm better in every way. I have to be. But i'm not quite as tall or distinctive looking. drat.

It's a mere 29 days until D-day. I'm terrified. I keep getting invites to do stuff on D-day and, for whatever reason, I'm been oddly apprehensive about it. I think there are many reasons. First, even tho I whine all the time about my birthday, I actually don't want people to hang out with me because they feel sorry for me. In fact, quite the opposite. Mom said for a while, I'll send you out to LA with Kathryn. And I kept replying, I want to hangout with my friends, not some of kathryn's friends who are forced to spend time with me. Second, I can't help but see my birthday as an unfortunate milestone in an interesting, uninspired life. every year I look back at how little I've done in life, and this year it's like looking back at 30 years. Third, I'm terrified of the bar and of moving. Because it will, in all likelihood, be a colossal failure. It could work out, sure, but I can't help but think it's a terrible idea. Fourth, it is the last day before a very arduous time of studying during which I will probably not see very much of my friends. Fifth, I imagined my life very differently than it is right now. I'm alone, I'm living at home, I only have a pretend job, I have no real direction....

Ugh. I am a bit lonely right now. There's nothing like being stuck inside my house all day to make me feel like this. The house is ok, but I need my own space. That and I just ate some sugary sweets and now I'm regretting it. The best thing about living on my own is not buying sweets. I'm seriously addicted.

There's not much to write here. I don't have much to say. Oh, one thing. I learned this great word. Mamihlapinatapai. It means "a look shared by two people with each wishing that the other will initiate something that both desire but which neither one wants to start" in Yaghan, the language of the people of Tierra del Fuego. I find it amazingly useful for me. Tho, I suppose a more useful word would be something that meant "a look from one person to another that is trying to convey a feeling and a desperate request for that person to spur the other to initiate something because the first person is far to much of a wussy to do anything."

I'm done. I need to read more for Merritt