february (you fucking suck)

So, thank go this fucking month is almost over. Kathryn has been a long time hater of February and I whole heartedly agree. As she says "anything that can go wrong duirng this month, will." I've always called it the Tuesday of months....ya know because tuesday is by far the worst day of the week. Mondays, you still are basking in the afterglow of the weekend. Wednesdays are hump days and you can see friday on the horizon. Thursdays, soooo close... Friday 2 days of freedom upahead. But Tuesdays you are farthest possible from enjoying life again. Like February. Weather sucks. bad shit happens.... and, in the worst case senario, like this year, there is a whole fucking extra day. as if soome cruel joke from the world, ever 4 years I have to deal with 29 goddamn days in February. Fuck. Thank god its done tomorrow

ON a happier note, I had these ricotta pancakes from northstar for breakfast today. they were really good. Very sweet. super fluffy. Now, normally i like my pancakes sour. Like really sour. LIke, i remember this place up in Michigan that had these totally awesome sour pancakes... super sourdough. and northstar's ricotta pancakes weren't that. In fact, they tasted a bit like plain cakey doughnuts. so, really fucking good... mmmmm...

depression

Well, i'm finally writing about this... tho most of you who read this already know. I've been sorta of soul crushingly depressed recently. Mainly what triggered my recent bout with wanting to die is that I was rejected by Brown... Funny think about that is that it was the 4th rejection slip I've received from Brown in my life. I got 3 as an undergrad (1 for myself, 1 from the alumni association, and 1 to mom and dad letting them know that their kid wasn't smart). Then I got an email the other day telling me that I hadn't gotten into their grad program. And I will guaranteedly get a paper letter in a month or so. So that will be 5 rejection slips from one school. Fuck. Anyway, I'm officially at a loss. People have been saying "this is just one school, there is no reason to give up completly" and that's right... but I've just been shaken and scared and I really have no idea about what's happening next year... so I'm scared shitless. I haven't really been able to focus all week because of this. I haven't been sleeping well... I see myself workign at borders again. And while Borders isnt the worst thing that could happen (nothing would make me happier than just stacking cds and dvds again), the pay is a problem. The living at home again is a problem. I feel like I lost the fight. I feel like Ive been preaching about how I dont have to be a lawyer and I'm just going to turn into lawyer scum no matter what. Fuck you life. fuck you. I'm scared.

hrmmm

I was thinking about watching the Oscars, but frankly, right now it would just be painful. and not painful in that normal way because its a bunch of people who are full of themselves and no funny jokes... painful in that I still hate my life kind of way.

where's the nearest building to thro myself from

I can explain in one sentence why im so pessimistic and negative all the time. Because nothing ever ever goes right. One more sentence. Because everytime I get my hopes up, life comes in to crush them back in their place. fuck you life... i hate you too.

fucking cold

It's fucking cold in here. I'm sitting in the room waiting for international human rights law to begin and its so fucking cold that my figers hurt. What that fuck is wrong with this school? Why can't they maintain a livable temperature. its either super fucking hot or super fucking cold. gaaaa...

I worked for about 30-35 hours on journal work since friday at noon and i arive this morning and erin asks for help on doing so last minute spot checking. I said, honestly, I have to work on school work that I've been putting off since friday.... and i get the "i'd love to do school work." well, ya know what? youhad all weekend to do school work.... me not so much. and besides, i'm the only person i know who actually cares about day to day work more than end of the year bull shit. for me, my day to day preparation is what I do best. Its where I learn. And, unlike most mornoic law students, I actually want to learn. And becaus of journal, i haven't been able to prepare like i want to. and i feel like I'm slipping. and I hate that. so, ugh... so fucking cold.

further proof that we have entered the end time. prepare yourself; judgment day approachith

So, Amy Winhouse won 5 grammy's for singing a song about not going to rehab when she was just booted from the country for her crack habit and rehab stay. I don't normally pay much attention to the Grammys. They always come off as more of a popularity contest than a legitimate awards show... then again, I love it every time Kanye West gets snubbed and he whines about how awesome he is and blah blah blah. But I do check the winner, out of curiosity sake. This year, they got at least one correct: Icky Thump by the White Stripes won best alternative album. of course, its not "alternative" like what that words used to mean, but whatever. Anyway the Grammys this year had the single best list of nominees for one category ever: Best Spoken Word Album. Nominees. Maya Angelou "celebrations"; Bill Clinton "Giving"; Jimmy Carter "Sunday Mornings in Plains"; Alan Alda "Things I overheard while talking to myself"; and the winner Barack Obama "The Audacity of Hope." Damn. what a list. 3 world leaders, 1 mega famous poet; 1 Hawkeye.


one more point. Aaron Applebaum endorsed Barry Obama for prez.... I'm coming around, actually. Hilly, you had your shot, but I have the feeling like the movement can't be stopped. and if the movement is that powerful, I think it could do wonderful things.

jaydog

So, Jason has a new blogger blog. http://theartofthedoodle.blogspot.com/ go there. see his awesome art work. love it. then, go to http://pencilsandinks.com/ while you're at it. and tell all your friends. especially those friends who want to buy sell and trade comic art.

i'm in love

I'm in love with Sarah Silverman. I would have cut off my left pinky to have been in that video. Ok, maybe not. I don't really like pain. but I definitely would have flown to LA or something.