some thoughts

Well, its about 9am, i woke up about an hour ago, and i'm trying to make sense of the rest of my day. I'm meeting Missy for lunch, but that's not until 2, so I have many hours to kill before then... and I'm trying to focus on doing work, but I've got stuff going on in my mind.

One complaint an old friend used to have about me is that i need things to make sense and I play around with them in my head until they do. And i really bothers me when they don't. Now, that's probably an exaggeration. If something doesnt make sense, and I dont care about it, i usually stop thinking about it all together. but if I have any care, I suppose that's accurate.

The problem is, nothing makes sense. People recently have been saying to me "everything happens for a reason." But I just can't believe that. Look, i've been pretty nihilistic since high school. I just don't normally see patterns in what happens in the world, unless those patterns are bad crap keeps happening and good crap happens less and less. Now, true, i'm a pretty big pessimist. I've been trying to be more optimistic (honestly), but as I said to mom yesterday, why should I waste my time. Good stuff doesnt happen because you want it do. Bad stuff doesnt not happen because you dont want it to. It all just happens.

And herein lies the problem for me. I want to make sense of the world. I innately want to believe that there is some order. This is partly because I grew up religious and I was taught for so long that there was a greater authority in the universe, and this is partly because from my perspective, humans all want to find something greater. But everywhere I look, I see randomness and chaos. I see a path that, if it were to work out, everything would be just as I imagined. But then life never wants to actually go down that path. I feel, sometimes, like the more I hope for something to happen, the less likely it will happen. Perhaps that's why I never, never feel god about exams after they happen. if i feel good about it, i think i'll probably hex it.

For my whole high school life, i was taught about this correct path to follow. But there is no path. And this bothers me. because I want so much to understand the un-understandable. It hurts.

I feel like I want to go home to be with my family. I feel like i need a hug. Alrighty, this got a bit down, didn't it. I'm really not that physically down this morning; i'm just contemplative. serious does not necessarily = sad. Tho, maybe i need to be less serious. I'm definitely left with my own thoughts entirely too often.

ahhhh

This song just came up over the radio.



I used to listen to a lot of oldies, mainly because mom put them on in the car. Now, not so much. But I still have a soft spot for songs like this. it's really simple, really good, and rings true. ha....

ooo that's a tuff break for me...oh yea

I'm walkin'
yes indeed.
and i'm talkin'
'bout you and me.
and i'm hopin'
that you'll come back to meeeee, oh yea.

and I'm walkin'
down the steps
'cause it's easier
than walkin'
up the steps
HEY!
didn't slide
oh that's a tuff break for me, oh yea...

now i'm havin'
a small heart attack
but i'm recoverin'
and i'm ok now.

"when i say old reliable, i'm lying. because I've never tried this before."

ive changed locations

ive changed locations and now im trying to do some more work while listening to some motown. So, i dont normally listen to music while working because i can't always concentrate. but ocassionally, it ok. also, every once in a while, im driven without reason to listening to everything and anything motown. I think its because there is a raw, pure passion that these guys sing and perform with that's unbeatable, especially when i'm feeing emotional (as I do right now). Its akin to my obsession with disintegration, i'm sure.

Im thinking of my phenomenology again. and I'm thinking about a second dedicated to music. I think music is a truly wonderful and important thing. Its so beautifully human. But i dont understand why. birds sing to communicate, but its not quite teh same for humans (tho there is a communicative property to it.) I dunno. I've got to think.

I was thinking while speaking with nooree last night that she must get sick of me referring to songs and stuff. I can't help it. there's something about music that gets my brain thinking of things that i wasn't thinking about before. it conjures up emotions and associations and feelings and who knows.

I was also thinking of how personal an experience listening to the magnetic fields is for me. I realized that one reason i enjoy them so much is that stephin merritt always feels like he's singing to me. I so often identify with the melancholy, often cheesy, dramatic, and beautiful words. which is a little weird, since very often, i can't understand all the lyrics to most songs. but the magnetic fields are different. i get everything.

alright, back to work

grandview

Sitting in the grandview library trying to do work. Its really nice here; very large library. But I still think Solon beats it, just because of the quite room. Sure, this place is, on a whole, quieter than most libraries. But, I like to have a place I can go with a desk and a power supply and no talking. Here, I'm sitting next to a book shelf, running my power cord behind some books, and trying to get comfortable in a seat that is just a little too short for me to comfortably type.

Dinner and lunch with nooree were great. As always. I'm glad she came out with me. its always a great time with her. But no rollerskating, yet. We'll go eventually, but i think it's going to have to wait for a weekend.


There are still so many people I have to call. I'll try to do that tonight.

I feel awkward here a bit. First, I dont like being so far from home right now. I'm apprehensive because I just need to know that mom's ok. I'm sure she is, but im inexplicably worried.

should go back to work. lots of things going on in my mind right now.... but i'm saving those for me, i think. need time to think, to cogitate, not to write.

I feel like I've been doing a bit too much bearing of my soul to people and I may have to reel that in somewhat. I've been very vulnerable all year and even more so just recently. That's not always a good thing.

many question marks

Well... i may still get to sit for the exam after all. We shall see.

hrmph

I just wasn't listening to those who told me that it couldn't be done. i wasn't listening because it wasn't what i wanted to hear. I should have listened. man oh man... i'm pretty annoyed that i can apply to take the bar in just about any other state except the one i now want to stay in. hrmph.oh well... things just aren't working out so well right now.

well

well...i won't be taking the bar. damnit. I'm really disapointed. The first part of the application was due january 15... like right in the middle of my studying for bar #1. DAMN! this is really bad. Im going to call tomorrow and see if maybe my case merrits a special situation, but i highly doubt it. I'm really unhappy about this. Things just aren't working out right now.

i resolve

I resolve to use callipygian as much as I possibly can. what a great word.

I also resolve to make the phone calls i have to make...tomorrow.

I'm terrified of actually calling the people at the ohio bar just because I dont want them to tell me its useless. God I dont want to have to wait.

I need to sleep. Very tired.

ha!

The stupidest things amuse me. Like, for instance, that this word exists. I'm giggling like a school girl.

cal·li·pyg·i·an (kāl'ə-pĭj'ē-ən):
adj. Having beautifully proportioned buttocks.

[From Greek kallipugos : kalli-, beautiful (from kallos, beauty) + pugē, buttocks.]

grimace.

grimace. i've been censoring my posts again, and I don't like it. I'm not comfortable talking about everything here not just because I'm not comfortable talking about it, but also because I don't like to admit that i'm hurting and i dont like to admit when i'm dwelling. Well... no more censoring, if i can help it. I think i need to think through some things and i dont realy like putting the burden on my friends to hear me whine.

So.. since writing my first post today, i've been thinking a lot about how the odd aloofness that andrew and i share comes from dad. andrew and i are both aloof, but it manifests in different ways. but i think the reason is ultimately the same. its because we make different, maybe unconventional associations and other people don't really seem to understand. Its obvious from our senses of humor...

i just realized that i'm far too tired to explore this right now. more later.

who knows

So, I went to see Watchmen today. It was ok, which is about what i expected. But i suppose in that, it was ultimately disappointing, because it had the potential to be great, and it just wasn't. The acting was sooooo bad.

I spent another weekend avoiding making phone calls that I should make. I feel bad about it. But it's hard to make those calls when I know I have things to explain. Tomorrow I'm going to suck it up. But not till tomorrow.

Just a few days till columbus vacation. very excited. trying to figure out what Nooree and I should do. I'm really excited to see her. Doesn't really matter to me what we do, but I feel like I need to provide some sort of entertainment. My problem is that I really like hanging out with her and so I'm naturally hesitant to choosing things that prevent talking (like movies and the like.). Maybe its because I'm so used to doing things by myself (going to museums, going to movies, drivign around, doing whatever) that when I actually get someone to do something with me, i'm stumped. But doing things is fun together is fun. But we only have a limited time this week (because of work/travel and stuff), so i'm trying to find something that can balance hanging out with more excitement. Sadly, I don't think rollerskating is going to work. apparently, rinks don't have open skate every night. oh well.... it just gives us something to do when we have a weekend free.

need to do work.

Got oddly emotional during the credits sequence of watchmen as "The Times are a Changin'." It was easily the best sequence in the movie; and it's quite good. But there was something about the Bob Dylan paired with the nostalgic scenes that got to me. it used to be available online, but i can't seem to find it now. sigh. WB should realize that people will want to see the movie if they see the title sequence. it would be a better trailer than any of the trailers that were actually released.

lotta work to do. I did a lot of work this weekend, but i have a lot more to do tomorrow and tuesday. I'm going to lock myself in the library and get as much done as I can.

my head's still all fuzzy. I've been sleeping odd hours. can't seem to get back on a normal pattern.

should go. go do some work. thank you notes tomorrow. lots to do. tired.

ugh.

Not sure what's wrong with me. I've been wandering up and down in the house for hte past 5 hours without doing anything really. I've got this wicked headache. I shoudl have gone out with Kevin but I just couldn't get motivated.

Today I went to Oberlin for the first time in about 5 years. It was nice. Very pretty day. Megan and I got together at the Feve. I miss Megan and Carla. A full year working our asses off and complaining about Swire seems have been quite the bonding experience.

While I was in school there was, dad came and pick me up nearly every weekend and drive me back 2 days later. I remember when I was losing my mind, and I called my mom, and mom called dad to come out and get me. I never really gave my parents credit for how great they were to me when I was losing my mind. I gave them such shit when I was around that age, and they still rescued me from my insanity without question. It was like "Stephen's messed up; we have to help him; there's no question." That's amazing to me. I was so selfish. And it didn't matter. We fought so much and it didn't matter. I was hurting, and they helped because they're great.

Dad came to get me every weekend. Sure, it was only like 25 minutes from work, but it was an hour from home. Every weekend, so I could then leave and work and spend time with Marta. Every weekend. I was selfish.

I've thought of this a lot. Not just because of what happened, but because as much shit as I've given my parents, I still think of that as so great of them.

Alrighty... Im just being weapy. I need to stop.

ugh. my head hurts.

I'm excited about next week. I'm a little hesitant to leave mom alone, but i figure andrew is here, so that's good. But I can't stop the excitement. I need to escape. I can't wait to get back to columbus. I can't want to see Nooree (especially since time will be much happier and I may actually bring her chocolates like I've been trying for weeks and maybe we'll go roller skating but whatever we do will be fine with me because I just enjoy her company and maybe she'll be able to come out and play more than once). Im a little worried about having to answer questions about dad from 1/2 a millino people at Stauf's, but at the same time, it will be nice to have a bunch of people around who care. I hope maybe i'll get t ride bikes with Suzi and Sean. Hopefully Erica will show up. The chef may make me drink absinthe with him! And Morrissey!

ugh. my head hurts. god i hope the peeps at the bar let me take the test god i hope so.

THANK GOD!!!

First lucky thing to happen in 2 weeks just happened. ugh.

disarm

i continue to miss the 90s

hrm

As if the heavens are conspiring to make me contemplative and insecure about my relationship siwht my friend and family, this past week has done exactly that, continuing the 30th year trend.

This past saturday at the funeral made me, again, aware of how dichotomous my life is. I suppose this is true for many, if not most people. But it's something that never fails to give me pause. I want to leave, move far away, start over, be someone else; but at the same time, I really truly love my friends and family and I need them and i want to be with them. Part of me is extremely materialistic--I want goodies, toys, CDs, DVDs, cars, bikes. And the other part of me was looking into volunteer projects across the world (another idea that's been put on indefinite hold). And now, part of me exists before this thing, and part of me exists after. And the people from columbus all sort of symbolize my life after this thing, to me, because they never knew dad, and they never will. I talked enough of Suzi, Sean, and Nooree, that even forgetful dad would have known who they were. I can't count how many times I said to each of them "when you meet my dad, you'll understand," because he was a hard guy to explain. Mike, on the other hand, represents the me before this thing. And it was great that he was there. But, as if to further represent this dichotomy, I couldn't bring them together. Not that i expected them all to come out with us, but it would have been nice. It would have been nice to try to unite 2 parts of me, even if just symbolically. And I doubt I'll get the chance again...at least, not any time soon.

That, tho, is sorta how things have always been for me. I've always run with a few different crowds. At different times, they've come together, sorta, but they're still separate worlds. My Gilmour Friends and my chagrin friends; the guys at Gilmour and the girls. The Oberlin people and my home life. Now, law school and non law school. Or better, cleveland and columbus. I don't know what it means. I don't know that it means anything. but it makes me think. All of you mean so much to me...all of you...not just because of this...it's just coming out because of this...and I don't understand why you're all split into pieces. Its like I've said for the past several years: I like columbus, but I just wish I could move my whole friends and family there.

Today, I got into dad's car (again) and pointed myself in no particular direction (again). And I thought to myself. I'm having a hard time making decisions. I stared at a CD today for about 1/2 hour before I decided not to buy it.

I need to call people. I need to call Matt and Ro. I need get my crap together and submit it to the bar and pray that they'll actually let me sit for the exam. and I need to start applying for jobs again. ugh.

mom

I think it's the lawyer in me, but I'm very nervous about mom talking about all her investment plans with everyone regarding dad's life insurance money. I sort of feel she should old speak with me, andrew, kathryn, grandpa, Mike, and Dan about this money right now until we have some better idea of what we're doing. I just don't trust anyone other than us.

but I don't think mom would listen if i said anything. But I just don't trust them.

quick

I love Aimee Mann's voice.

I was reading some old papers of mine from when i was at oberlin. I'm amazed; I used to have original thoughts. Now, my brain feels fuzzy. sure, now is not a great time for clear thought, but it still bothers me that I feel far less creative than i used to be.

things here remain difficult. Today's better than yesterday, but i still find myself dwelling when im left to my own thoughts. Right now, i need to focus on figuring out if i can actually take the bar. god i hope i can. I really dont want to study for teh bar again, but its necessary.

I'm developing a list of things this whole thing has made me resolve. The first, is to be more open about how i feel toward my friends and family. the second is the push on my own life. The earrings, however, will stay. I still have to be me, right? I'll be fine in a firm if they let me do IP, right? who knows. i'm not very good at conforming. scratch that, im very bad at conforming.

Phil apparently passed my resume onto someone who works for Lee Fisher. I seriously doubt anything will work out, but we shall see. He also passed it to chef who "has some people who may be interested" whatever that means. I'm not holding my breath on either. I'm trying to develop a cover letter that just tells the truth: i was going to move, now im not moving because of some stuff, im only looking for experience. hopefully columbus wants me back.

funny...ive wanted to run away for so long, now, no running away. now...staying. and right now, that's the right thign... and right now,i'm ok with it. But why did it have to be because of this?

All y'alls in Ohio--you're stuck with me for a little bit longer.

almost

I almost drove ot columbus last night. I got in my car and headed south. I stopped myself short of actually going, but who knows what could happen. The time alone in the dark with some music seemed right. I need to get away for a bit. Sure, there's LA in a few weeks, but that's not quite what i mean. Marta offered me a spot on a couch in switzerland. I'm ready to leave tomorrow. but things need to be done here. things. important things. no escaping just yet.

odd

I'm oddly compelled to get rid of all my dad's clothes. I remember when my Vovo (my portuguese grandpa) died, and my Nana wanted to get rid of all his stuff right away. Will i regret it? Mom wants to get me fitted for some of dad's suits...but i doubt they'll fit. He was a bit bigger than me. And it's a little weird. but maybe it won't be weird.

Today I've been really odd. I've been grumpy all day and my voice seems to have left me. we went out to breakfast this morning and I sort of freaked out. I dont know what's wrong with me.

Mom's going thru pictures right now. Picture seem to be fun and cathartic for them; for me its very sad. They were looking at pictures of me at 1. I'm really sad dad will never get to see me with a real job, with kids of my own, with a life of my own.

I need to stop dwelling. But not today; maybe tomorrow.

still not ready

I'm still not ready to really write anything about it, but i'll say that today was way harder than I expected. I sort of thought after the past few days "ok, i've got the hang of this now." but i was totally wrong. It was brutally hard. I hope I didn't embarrass myself too much in front of my columbus friends. It was great for them to come up, but man or man, i was crying the whole time. it was hard. it was great for all those people to care about me, but it was hard. tho, probably better than sitting alone in the dark, like I imagined i wanted to do.

????

Things here are so screwed up. I need time alone. I went for a drive today just to escape. Maybe I should drink more. I feel a bit bad because of people coming from columbus don't have to come. I dont want people making a fuss about me; i want them making a fuss about my dad. now is not my time; now is my dad's time. ugh. my stomach hurts my current diet of pita chips, croutons, and red bull probably needs to get better. ugh ugh ugh.

Cut your hair

I've been listening to a lot of pavement recently. I'm trying to develop a theory about their lyrics. They tend to be very estoeric, to the point of nonsense. But I actually think Stephen Malkmus has a point in his lyrics. Currently, i'm of the opinion that each line, or perhaps cuplet makes sense by itself, but not necessarily with the other lines around it. So each is a part of a story. I'm not totally sure, tho, if each song has a unifying theme. I have to think more.

I think Im predisposed to liking people named StePHen.

Anyway, this song is really great and the video is perfect for it. It's just as free flowing, strange, nonsensical, but with a seeming purpose as the song itself. Alrighty, back to work. gotta catch up on some stuff and get ahead because I won't have much time next week.

pretty flowers

So, I'm here at the Botanical gardens, about to write out a cover letter for a job (or 2) that I probably won't get an interview for. I could do some research. I may do some research. But really, i just want to hang out in teh rain forrest display and breath well there's a lot of oxygen in there. I'm considering buying an orchid or 2, but i understand that they're like ridiculously hard to take care of. And since I'd probably just give it away, I don't know if its a good idea to buy a flower for someone that will almost certainly die. So i can't decide. we shall see.

Anyway, its really nice here. My only small reservation is that there are a ton of people around. As with most things, I only ever want to share them with a few other people. I don't like having to fight my way to see a flower. but whatever. it was really pretty. My camera died when i was about 2/3 of hte way thru the exhibit, but i got some good pictures. including one of a plant called a pachypodium. I thought andrew would like that. Its a Pachy-podium, or elephant's foot. Love the name. love it. anyway, I should finish up this cover letter

The 15, party two

Here's the second part to 15 albums that had a 'profound' effect on me. I've decided that it's waaay too damn long for the FB. So the only people who get to read it are you guys. Also, I just had my first re-tweet on twitter! It was exciting because I got re-tweeted by the columbus Underground, one of the free papers in "the bus." very cool.

8. Piano Concertos 19 and 23 performed by Murray Perahia – Mozart. I listened to this album almost every day during my 3rd year in law school, banking on the Mozart effect to help my brain learn. I wonder if it worked. I later saw Mitsuko Uchida perform Concerto 23 with the Cleveland Orchestra. It was WAY better than the CD. If it were up to me, classical music would only be listened to live.

9. Sea Change – Beck. When people tell me they don’t like Beck, I almost immediately burn for them this album. I didn’t like Beck before I listened to this. Now, I’m a proud, born again Beck fanatic. If there is an album that rivals the heartbreaking honesty of Pinkerton, it’s Sea Change. Honest story, every time I listen al the way through, I get misty eyed. It’s just so sad and beautiful.

10. When I Woke – Rusted Root. During my senior year in high school, I listened to three things during my drive to and from school (about a 40 minute total drive each day): classical radio, NPR, or When I Woke. It’s still a great album, even if I don’t listen to it as often any more. Musically, its outstanding. Rusted Root was also my first concert (I’ve seen them 3 times now) and it was all because of this album.

11. The Music from Les Miserables. I should be ashamed of how many times of screamed “do you hear the people sing” at the top of my lungs while listening to this album. I should be ashamed, but I’m not.

12. Here Come the ABCs – They Might Be Giants. How can I choose one album by TMBG that’s the most important to me? I can’t. Apollo 18 is a better album. Sever Tire Damage was my first. Factry Showroom is probably the one I listen to the most. But why this one, then? I’ve seen TMBG live 4 times now, and each time was better than the last. I chose this one, however, because its signed by the Johns (they don’t do autographs that often) and because when I got ti, Kevin and I had gone to Borders store 1 in Ann Arbor Michigan to see the Giants perform a free show for kids. It was awesome. At one point, I honestly thought we were going to stomp right thru the floor and crush the customers below. Man, that was amazing.

13. London Calling – The Clash. Another perfect record. I’m not even sure how one band could pack so much greatness into 1 hour over 19 songs. I return to this album with frequency and it never seems to get old. Brilliant.

14. Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness – The Smashing Pumpkins. People like to say that they don’t like the Pumpkins, but I never actually believe them. Why? Because this album is a double disk of pure awesomeness. The range is amazing: hard-hitting metal tracks mix perfectly with sweet, sappy, lovey dovey songs. And then there are Billy Corgan’s bizarre-genius lyrics. Great record.

15. Graceland – Paul Simon. I used to listen to A LOT of Paul Simon. This album is undoubtedly one of the best records of all time. Again, start to finish, it’s perfect. Anyone—ANYONE—can enjoy it. And, Paul Simon has about my vocal range, so I feel ok singing alone.

Honorable mention: Whipped Cream and Other Delights – Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. There’s a reason this album was the 3rd best selling record of the 60s—because its great. While I was at Borders, my manager John and I were on a quest to sell the crap out of this record. And we did. Basically every time I put it on, someone would buy it, often after saying something like “I remember my DAD listening to this!” It’s great; seriously, give it a listen some time.

my 15

So, Erin tagged me in a facbook note yesterday about 15 albums that have had a 'profound' effect on me. I wrote the list out, and a bunch of reasons. Here it is; it may appear on facebook, or it may not. I haven't decided. It's really long. Here's the first half. Tomorrow, more.

1. The Fragile – Nine Inch Nails. My all time favorite album, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Every time I put it on, I’m reminded once again how much I love it. I still remember buying the Fragile from this music store in Oberlin. I said to my friend Kelsey at the time that I was pretty cheap about most things, but I was willing to spend just about anything on music and books. That’s still true.

2. Disintegration – The Cure. My number 2 favorite album of all time. A friend once said that some days, she just likes to pull the covers over her head and listen to the Cure. Another friend said that “the souls of the depressed always find their way back to Robert Smith.” Both are incredibly true. This album is one of those perfect albums; from start to finish there is nothing wrong with it and there is no room to critize. I think Stan said it best: “Thanks Robert Smith! Disintegration is the best album EVER!” How true.

3. Pinkerton –Weezer. I don’t think I’ve ever listened to a more honest album tahnk Pinkerton. Sure, it’s the trendy choice as everyone’s favorite Weezer album, and it’s even more trendy to say: “Yea, I used to like Weezer, back in the Pinkerton days. But now they suck.” But that doesn’t really change how great this album really is. Great hooks mixed with heart wrenching loneliness; It’s no wonder Rivers Cuomo hasn’t gone back to that place in any album since—it must have hurt.

4. Off the Deep End – Weird Al Yankovic. Weird Al is the first musician I ever really got into. I actually think he’s quite talented, besides being hysterical. This was also the first CD I ever bought; way back in 1992 when I was in Florida with a friend. Its still great.

5. Animals – Pink Floyd. I can’t count the number of times I drove home at around 3am from Cleveland Heights listening to Animals. Marta introduced me to Pink Floyd, and I haven’t looked back. Animals is way better than the Wall; more concise, more clever musically and lyrically, and more purely intense. A great listen; I can’t wait to buy this one on vinyl (when I finally get my turn table).

6. KMFDM – XTORT. There are two reasons this album will forever hold a special place in my heart. First, Dogma. Dogma is the first track from it, and by far the best. Nicole Blackman’s lyrics still resonate true to me today, and I still quote is constantly (see my profile page for “Let’s stop saying don’t quote me, because if no one quotes you, you haven’t said a thing worth saying.” During my senior year in high school, I tried my hardest to quote it in every paper I wrote. Perhaps that’s why Mrs. Kenny was worried about me. Oh well. Second, Mike and the Bloodmobile. Back when we got this disk, Mike got his hands on a bumper sticker for it, which he plopped on the butt-sticking in the sky end of his Buick Park Avenue. That car scared the crap out of everyone; the sticker didn’t help.

7. 69 Love Songs vol. 1 – The Magnetic Fields. I still remember the first time I heard this album. We were closing one night at Borders and some girl put it on. I was kind of half listening, like I normally did, when all of a sudden, I caught the line “Come back from San Francisco, and kiss me I’ve quite smoking. I miss doing the wild thing with you.” Since that day, the Magnetic Fields have been tied for first in my favorite bands list. AND, I got to see them live. It ruled.

obviously i had to post this. For all those who don't know, Scott Weiland is the former lead singer of stone temple pilots then the lead singer of Velvet Revolver, and a graduate of Kenston High School (where my Brother and Sister went). So, basically everything he does, I support. Even tho this song kinda sucks and the video is real boring, doesn't matter. Gotta stick up for it.



Bone is also from Cleveland. And so, again, I have to support them. Thankfully, this song is way better than Scott Weiland's. You gotta love hard-ass rappers who sample phil collins, right? Apparently, the song did so well in the UK, that Bone adopted Phil Collins into their crew, as Chrome Bone. I should post cleveland is the city right here.

Back On The Chain Gang - Pretenders

Chrissie Hynde is from Akron. That's close enough. Recently she returned home and opened up a vegan restaurant in Akron. I'd like to go, but I don't really want to go to Akron at all, least of all by myself. Maybe if i can convince someone to go with me, I'll check it out. rumor has it that she's around a lot.

Fast Car - Tracy Chapman

Tracy Chapman's also from Akron. Her voice is amazing.

So me... not a famous musician... yet. As for now, I read ultra boring statutes. very very boring. I think i'll do a little bit of that right now, in fact.

reading statutes = boring

this video is really really strange, but I kinda dig the song. I mean, its not really great, but it has a cool new wavy-thing going for it.

back at it

So.... i started working for the election law crew again. it should be about 2-3 weeks of work. So a nice little bit of money. I Think i deserve more tho... because it's so damn boring. basically, i read a bunch of statues and try to answer many different questions from them. And I've come to an important conclusion: states suck at statue writing. The feds are pretty bad too. but I'm just reading state statutes right now, and man do they suck. I think they basically try to make it as hard as possible to figure out relatively easy questions. "how many days before an election do i have to request an absentee ballot?" That should be easy, right? Well, it's not. not always. They like to bury it in there so that it takes 10 minutes of reading just to find (7). So, here's what i think. I should offer my serves to states to fix their codes. Sure, i know no one would take me up on it, but i think ti would be a valuable service. If only it would work....

In just a week, Nooree and I will be going to see the reduced shakespeare company perform complete hollywood. I'm totally excited. I hope she is too... I hope i'm not just dragging her to this thing. This will be the first play i've seen in years. years. And it should be hysterical. And of course, it will be great to hang out with Nooree. Tho, I'd like to have more chit-chat time with her...still, the play should be great. And maybe i can convince her to go out with me again over the weekend. teehee! anyhoo, I can't wait to start writing plays again; i'm going to go to the library and take out some plays ot read. but before that, more research. more and more. If this paid me on a steady basis, it wouldn't be so bad, i suppose..... which reminds me, gotta write a couple cover letters tonight. and i hope i hear back from Kathleen. I dont expect anything. but it's be kinda cool to work with the ohio house for a year. i feel like ive been avoiding politics for so long when its one of the few things ive had an aptitude for. of course, i dont like it at all.... wait. not quite... its really that i dont trust politicians and think they're mostly scummy. And I wouldn't want that for me. but maybe if i here a politician, i'd be a good one. wait... ok, im sounding kuuuuraaaaazzzzeeee...

always feeling cheezy

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

I was f-ing there, yo!!!!

greatest. concert. ever. The reason I go to concerts. If you're curious, a fuse blew 1 song into their set, so we were all like "what the crap!" so the Johns came out and did 2 accoustic songs for us and it was pretty much the greatest thing ever since the time i was at borders and a bunch of young girls came up to me and told me I looked like Johnny Depp.



This may be my favorite TMBG song. I can't ever decide. Whatever.. even if its only in the top 5, i think it still perfectly shows why i love them. Kookie, catchy, honest, heartfelt, and heartbreaking. In a word, brilliant. "now let's toast the sad cold fact, our love's never coming back. and we'll race to the bottom of a glass..."



I love this video; i love this song.

They Might Be Giants-Ana Ng


can you tell that i was supposed to be doing election law work today, but that got messed up because of stupid westlaw not cooperating?

Kevin once described TMBG as a security blanket of sorts. That he doesnt listen to them all the time any more, but everytime he goes back (and we all go back), its like revisiting old friends. I know exactly how he feels.

whelp

So....my long drive to and from Columbus always gives me a lot of time to think. I actually really enjoy long drives by myself. I get to listen to some NPR, maybe some this american life, music, and just sort of think, because the drive barely takes any attention. Yesterday, on the way back, I spent most of the time thinking about Kathryn and her current woes. Don't worry, Kathryn, I'm not going to go into it here. Instead, I'll just say that Kathryn and I are very alike in some respects and very different in others, when it comes to dealing with our friends. And I feel terribly for her right now, because there's just nothing I can do. i'm going to try to come out to LA to see her, but that's really it. I can't exactly understand the pain she feels right now because I've never been hurt that way. I get hurt differently. I retreat and give up. and now, where I am in my life, after giving up, I usually just accept it. I try not to think things will turn out how i hope they will any more. I find it safer that way. I dont think kathryn does that. And truthfully, i'm far to guarded to let myself get hurt that way. Sure, years ago a friend beat me up. and that was the most betrayed I've ever felt. Physically and emotionally hurt. But since then, since I let go of my grudges regarding that whole period of my life, I think I understand my friends differently than I did before. I told a friend a little bit ago that I don't get upset with my friends any more; at least, not for any longer than a few minutes. And I think it's because..... well, i dont know. I think it's because I ask less of them than I did back in the dark times. I think i expect less. And if something happens that isn't how i'd like it to happen, I kinda just say "whelp, so it goes." Which is odd, because I'm not at all like that for myself. All I can do for myself I wish things were different. I think i just expect people to forget about me when i'm not around. That's not a very nice thing to say.

Anyway, Columbus was a good trip, tho I wish I had gotten the chance to see Nooree. Oh well...that was unfortunate. the brownies came out really well. and I guess I'll be doign some work for election law again. booo... but at least it pays something. again, beggars can't be choosers,

ok, time to go mail my barbri books back.