coffee goes with sugar, sugar is a drug, 14 packs of sugar in the coffee cup i chug

Coffee - A.W.O.L.

Every time i take a break from coffee, i think to myself, why the hell am i doing this? Its not the caffeine. really. honestly. the worst withdraw symptom i have is a little headache and my sleep patterns are changed. maybe. it really depends. sometimes i have nothing. But the problem is I like coffee...not only do i really love the flavor (I wish all the coffee drinkers i know could come with me to portland for a cup from stumptown. absolute best I've had). but more importantly, i love the image of coffee. I've often thought that there are basically 3 stephens. There's the "character me:" that is, what I would be like if I were in a book or movie (and who would play me. Ethan Hawke or Johnny Depp, obviously). Then there's the Stephen that I see/consciously or subconsciously try to be. And then there is the stephen that I actually am. I think this is probably true for all people. we have something that we want to be and something we see ourselves as and something that we actually are. and the thing is, I'm a coffee drinker in all 3 of those personae. Movie me (johnny depp) is cool, slightly distant, highly introspective and perspective, and sucks down coffee (and I used to think cigarettes, but recently I've been extra down on smoking). The me i put forward expresses his love of caffeine and coffee, only makes french press for himself, and sucks down coffee. And the actual me, well, normally i'm a coffee drinker. so, these times of abstinence mess with my personal image. Problem is, how i view myself is always struggling for control over myself and i hate the thought that i'm not in control (one reason i'm not too big on being intoxicated, normally...especially when people say 'have a drink; it'll help you relax.) and I hate the thought of being dependent on caffeine (even tho, as i said, i have no withdraw symptoms).

anyway, i feel like its time to go full blast back into coffee. i miss it. and now, its comin' back.

Ziggy Stardust (1999 Digital Remaster) - David Bowie

wow. i'm blown away

Playing For Change | Song Around The World "Stand By Me" from Concord Music Group on Vimeo.

I just watched this. Why am i wasting my life sitting inside reading supreme court cases (ok, so like a geek, i find that a little interesting). good music is good music. it doesnt matter who you are or where you are. And I'm amazed at what can be done with a few microphones and a computer and some knowledge of mixing. its amazing. I wish I could have just been there watching while they did it. Seriously, please watch. its the feel-good 5 minutes of the year.

luvs it

reason #9830947 I love my old-ass cell phone: I dropped it (yet again) from a height of around 4 feet onto the concrete, it bounces several times, and I picked it up without ever thinking that it was hurt at all. Because this thing's a tank. iPhone would be in about 1000000 pieces by now and I'd be sad. Nope, this phone is neigh invincible. If only it got good reception and didn't look like it had been dropped thousands of times.

are we all going to die?

Are we all going to die? Apparently Europe thinks so, as they've suggested that European postpone all unnecessary trips to the US and Mexico for fear of swine flu. I'm basically expecting something out of a zombie apocalypse movie (think I Am Legend) to happen soon with military quarantining Manhattan and the whole island devolving into anarchy and cannibalism. Ya know, that or some people get sick and then it all blows over. Which ever. (All joking aside, Erin, If you're reading this, I hope you're ok over there)

So this weekend I spent a lot of time cleaning. My room and the garage are both looking 100% better. I just wish I'd gotten the chance to go out, but the cleaning really had to happen.

I did get to go on a long bike yesterday with these guys from teh cleveland touring club. I rode with the fast group, which was ok for about 25-30 miles, but it turns out that they were stronger than me, and I pooped out for the next 15-20 miles or so. I just couldn't maintain a 22-24 mph pace after that point. oh well. next time. And today, back to work. I'm about to head to the library and then, who knows. Tomorrow the Birds and Kathryn's birthday. And this weekend, i think i'm definitely going to the vader project, even if i have to go by myself. but i think i can convince kevin to come. I thought for a minute that we could make a double trip to the vader project and then to falling water, but it turns out that falling water is a lot farther from Pittsburgh than I thought. Oh well, that'll just have to wait for the next roaddie to Pennsylvania. back to work

hrmmm

I sort of wish mom weren't so set on getting rid of all dad's stuff so quickly. I feel like its just part of him we could hang on to. I know it's lame, but even his stupid books which I made fun of him about every chance i got...they're so quintessentially dad that getting rid of them is like getting rid of his....spirit that's still around the house. I really wish she'd stop. I mean, i get it, but i wish she wouldn't.

I don tblog about dad much, because I don't want to seem like i'm dwelling and I dont want drudging up bad thoughts, but i can't help it right now....i'm on the verge of tears right now. i have to hold it together.

wow

This Year - The Mountain Goats

I hate this guy's voice, and i really haven't liked the mountain goats too much so far from what i've heard, but this song rules pretty hard. i may have to get this album

go speed racer go!

speed racer is on cable right now. I really dug that movie. A lot. And watching it just for the 2 minutes that I did right now, I realize it wasn't some fluke. Sure, the movie was made to be seen on the big screen. the effects are purely awesome. But really, even without the awe of the candy-colored LSD trip that is the movie, its just great. Sure, its cheezy as all hell, but that's the point. It supposed to be hokey. Its supposed to be cheezy. But its not done ironically. Its a movie that says "hey, its ok to have fun at the movies. just. pure. fun." And on top of all that, I love Christina Ricci in it. I haven't liked her so much in a movie since she played Wednesday Adams...so its been a while. But the whole movie just screams "be a kid; enjoy a movie; have fun!" And i think that if people could just do that--could just have fun--it would have been a huge success. But for some reason, as people get older, they forget how to have simple fun. The fun of running around. The fun of stupid cartoons. The fun of running around in the year's first snow. Just fun without any wink wink nudge nudge or thoughts of decorum or 'adulthood.' I hope i never lose the ability to enjoy something like speed racer. Being an adult should not mean giving up, getting complacent, getting boring. We all need to learn how to appreciate and find joy in things again (me included, of course). Getting older should not mean dying.

By the way, i love the theme too. Its so beautifully 50s-60s cheeze-tastic.

I Was Born - Magnetic Fields

"Growing older is killing a child who laughed and smiled at anything." Only if you let it be. I won't.

by the way, thanks to everyone for commenting recently. I like reading them.

burn on

Burn On (Remastered LP Version) - Randy Newman

I told mom of my plans to drive up the PCH to San Francisco and maybe continue all the way up to Vancouver. I think she thought I was crazy, but it's hardly crazy. In fact, its a really simple trip. only problem is, there are about 100 places I want to go right now--I'm not sure where the PCH trip fits on my list.

So, last night I hung out with Zach for his 30th birthday. He didn't seem thrilled to be 30. But really, 30's not so bad; my year's sucked but not because of my age. Anyway, evertime I hang out with them, i remember again why I no longer smoke. Being stuck in a room with like 8 smokers all exhaling onto me, man... i still reek. I really enjoyed smoking when I did. The act of smoking, that is. The inhaling, exhaling. Not the nicotine. I actually hated the nicotine. But the physical act--that's what I liked. But I can't remember smelling so bad. Maybe it's becaus I did most of my smoking outside (or in my car, i suppose). Selective memory, I guess.

SO, I'm toying with the idea of going to Pittsburgh to the Warhol museum saturday. They're showing the Vader Project until May 3--which I think has never been in a 'real' museum before. It looks awesome and I'd really love to see it, but I'm not sure I want to go by myself. I can't decide...but it would be mighty cool to go. hrmmmm.

news flash!

NEWS FLASH!

Men like it when women smile at them!! HOLY CRAP NO WAY!?!?!! I just read a study that 'discovered' that when women smiled at them upon approaching, men viewed women more favorably. Wow. I had no idea? Who knew, indeed. Certainly this was a revolutionary study; Certainly it must have been a 50 year mega study done across generations, cultures, everything.

sheesh. Seriously, this wasn't in Cosmo or something. This was done by a true, honest to god psychological scientist. Its like, studies have shown that men don't like getting kicked in the groin. no kidding.

static

Static - Beck

I spend a lot of time just thinking about stuff. As I've said before, I often wish that I could make my mind shut up; It keeps me up at night and makes getting up in the morning difficult. I spend a particularly large amount of time thinking about my friends and acquaintances, trying to figure them out, trying to piece them together from the bits and pieces that I've learned about them thru the days and years I've known them. Or, of course, trying to make sense of myself. Is it weird that I dont think I fully understand myself? my instinct tells me that its not weird; that it's normal.

Yesterday I accidentally went off about religion and philosophy while talking to Nooree. I hope she wasn't too bored, but I so rarely get to talk about why humans are how they are, and what motivates us on a greater level. So I started talking and thinking and it was all downhill from there. It makes me definitely want to start on my phenomenology. I need to bust out my Hegel and start working on it.

I'm tired. I like 'heavy' thoughts and 'heavy' talk. I wish other people did. But I forget that other people don't really care about the things I care about. I need to remind myself of that.

Perfect Day - Lou Reed

libby

Parents Just Dont Understand - DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince

I need to buy Breathe Right strips for my dog. Maybe then she'd stop snoring.

I feel oddly conflicted about Guiding Light (one of mom's soaps) going off the air. On one hand, the show is terrible and I wish it weren't on every day. On the other hand, its been on forever (literally, it was on radio before TV) and mom's watched it forever. And by extension, I've at least been aware of it forever. odd.

so, one of the blogs i read--Gizmodo--has been doing a week dedicated to us audiophiles. Today, the writers have been talking about their first albums. And man oh man do i feel old. most of these kids (yes, kids) had albums from the 90s, as late as Let's Face It by Mighty Mighty Boss Tones (from 1997). My first albums were He's the DJ, I'm the Rapper by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince and Hysteria by Def Leppard. I got both from a magazine drive in 2nd grade. So I was about 8-9 so that would have been like 1987. they were both on Cassette. I think i may still have them somewhere. ha... shortly thereafter, I got Labor of Love by UB40.

hurtin'

Do You Believe in Magic - The Lovin Spoonful

My dog injured me the other day, and Im still in a bit of pain. Me running in one direction, her running in the other, me attached to her by leash, leash goes around tree, stephen's arm gets yanked hard like. I think it doesn't help that my posture is absolutely atrocious.

Today if filled with reading more legislative history and some old copyright provisions. Fun fun stuff. Basically, in the olden days, you had to register your work and deposit it and put notice on it (like that little (c) thing) for it to be copyrighted. today, much easier...just write it (or record it or whatever) and bam, copyright. BUUUUT, if you're in the US, you still have to register to be able to bring an infringment claim before the court. ok. boring. buuuuut, i'm reading about the before time, to see how the language has evolved. short answer...it hasn't, much. It's pretty silly, really. why would congress say you have a copyright and its protected but you can't actually enforce your rights? well, because congress is stupid.

I'm so excited; I have 2 people to show the Princess Bride to. I'm so excited. And once person to show Psycho to. I'm so excited. Princess Bride...i was worried at first that my love for it was like that of Goonies; ie driving 9/10 by nostalgia (tho, i maintain that its a great movie, even without nostalgia). But then i realized, no one dislikes the princess bride. Its just a beautiful, post modern fairy tale. And fairy tales are nice because they make you want to believe in magic. and who doesnt want to believe in magic, right? I wrote one of those once... I dont have a copy of it any more. it was inspired by Into the Woods and the Princess Bride. I wish I had a copy of it.

anyway, i'm trying to decide if i want to see mitsuko uchida perform in a few weeks. I do. i do. but im not sure i want to go it alone. well, maybe i will. she was pretty amazing. decisions.

a dream

I have a dream. its a little dream. a very little dream. I want to meet someone who hasn't seen The princess Bride and show it to him/her. I can't think of any movie so universally loved. I can't think of any movie that goes straight to my heart so strongly no matter how many 1000s of times i've seen it. I can only imagine that it was extraordinarily fun to make; the entire cast seems to be having a great time playing with all the cheeky, cheezy comedy. great great stuff. and it was written by an oberlin grad!!!! tee hee

wheee

My eyelashes are so long that, when i have my contacts in, I can actually see them. When the sun is shining in my eyes, they look like dust specks and I keep dabbing at my eyes trying to get the dirt away, but in reality, its just my crazy-long eyelashes. I could trim them with scissors.

thbbbbb

this was a hard weekend for me... here's hoping this week is better.

one april day

I just got really scared that i didn't pass the bar. very soon the truth will come out. very scared. actually, i'm very scared about everything right now. I'm feeling a little extra neurotic.



but, my love affair with stephin merritt continues.

please

argh

I'm like extraordinarily depressed right now and i have no idea why. I can't seem to shake it. i keep picking up the phone and thinking about calling people, but i hate calling like "hi im depressed, will you take pity on my for a few minutes." I hate sharing it.ugh...i think i'll drown my sorrows in reading some legislative history.

yesterday

while i can't focus for a minute...

yesterday had a lot of potential to suck. for some reason--a reason which I can't quite figure out yet--I randomly broke down crying for about 20 minutes. I was driving to meet Kevin and Erin for dinner when all of a sudden, i started crying, had to pull into a parking space, and just wept for about 20 minutes. I don't know why.

fortunately, kevin and erin arrived and cheered me up. We went to this place in lakewood called Melt Bar and Grilled, a funky sort of restaurant that 'specializes' in grilled cheese. not only was the food good, but hanging out with them both was great. awesome. now, i'm reading some supreme court cases about this up coming assignment for Merritt and trying to stay focused (its not working too well)... back at it.

exciting

I just cut myself shaving in an entirely new place. I cut myself almost everytime i shave, but this time, its just under my lower lip, in teh soul patch area. never done that before.

secret: I only ever shave for 3 reasons (or a combination of these three reasons. 1. a girl; 2. a job; 3. I can't handle how i look any more (usually once i cross the 8 day threshold.) secret 2: I almost always miss at least one spot (under my jaw on the left side. there's an indent there and i can't seem to get the hairs without ripping up my skin.

sleeeepy. i didn't sleep very well last night. I think it probably had something to do with the fact that once i got home from teh airport, i fell asleep until about 130. just couldn't sleep on the plane at all. too many screaming kids this time. normally i have no problemo sleeping on planes, but yesterday...different story.

anyway, LA. I quite enjoyed spending time with Kathryn. I like to think that I saw the "real LA" with her, since we didn't do anything touristy at all. We just kinda hung out, drove around, went to eat...normal stuff. I mean, i didn't even see the Hollywood sign. But when I go back, I'll have to do the touristy stuff. I want to walk around downtown with my camera and a sign on my back that says "kick me i'm an ohioan." Still, I haven't really processed my thoughts from the past couple of weeks. I think I'll start with Morrissey.

So, One week ago yesterday, I saw Morrissey in concert. And, not surprisingly, it was awesome. Now, I won't say that it was my favorite concert of all time. that spot is probably held by the magnetic fields (man was that show great!), but it was really awesome. First, Morrissey is just a great performer and his voice is fantastic. In fact, it sort of surprises me that his voice is so good after all these years. And, he performed these really wicked awesome of How soon is now.

How Soon Is Now? - The Smiths

They had this huge gong and a tympani drum on stage and at the end of the song, the drummer got up and beat the hell out of them both. awesome. Also, the version of Ask (my all time favorite Smiths song) was far more intense than the original. While I prefer the original (listen here for yourself), the new version fit the concert, which was, in general, pretty intense.

Ask - The Smiths

anyway, then, at the end of the show, probably 10-15 people tried to get on stage, and were subsequently thrown off by the bouncers. very bizzare. very fun.

Anyhoo. the show was great, and the whole trip to columbus was great.

Oh, interesting work related news from yesterday, which I actually have to get back to.... more on that later.