whelp

So....my long drive to and from Columbus always gives me a lot of time to think. I actually really enjoy long drives by myself. I get to listen to some NPR, maybe some this american life, music, and just sort of think, because the drive barely takes any attention. Yesterday, on the way back, I spent most of the time thinking about Kathryn and her current woes. Don't worry, Kathryn, I'm not going to go into it here. Instead, I'll just say that Kathryn and I are very alike in some respects and very different in others, when it comes to dealing with our friends. And I feel terribly for her right now, because there's just nothing I can do. i'm going to try to come out to LA to see her, but that's really it. I can't exactly understand the pain she feels right now because I've never been hurt that way. I get hurt differently. I retreat and give up. and now, where I am in my life, after giving up, I usually just accept it. I try not to think things will turn out how i hope they will any more. I find it safer that way. I dont think kathryn does that. And truthfully, i'm far to guarded to let myself get hurt that way. Sure, years ago a friend beat me up. and that was the most betrayed I've ever felt. Physically and emotionally hurt. But since then, since I let go of my grudges regarding that whole period of my life, I think I understand my friends differently than I did before. I told a friend a little bit ago that I don't get upset with my friends any more; at least, not for any longer than a few minutes. And I think it's because..... well, i dont know. I think it's because I ask less of them than I did back in the dark times. I think i expect less. And if something happens that isn't how i'd like it to happen, I kinda just say "whelp, so it goes." Which is odd, because I'm not at all like that for myself. All I can do for myself I wish things were different. I think i just expect people to forget about me when i'm not around. That's not a very nice thing to say.

Anyway, Columbus was a good trip, tho I wish I had gotten the chance to see Nooree. Oh well...that was unfortunate. the brownies came out really well. and I guess I'll be doign some work for election law again. booo... but at least it pays something. again, beggars can't be choosers,

ok, time to go mail my barbri books back.