Oh so much crap

Like Hegel and Kant before me, I've recently been thinking about trying to develop my own phenomenology.

If you don't know, a phenomenology is a philosophical study of basically everything. I guess technically, it is a study, and way to describe consciousness. So in that, olde tyme-y philosophers used to develop their methods of describing life, the universe, and everything. And recently, I don't know if it's because of my brain turning to mush by studying, or it it's because of turning 30, or if it's just because i spend too much time alone, but I've been thinking about trying to develop my own, to begin in reality after the bar is done, because I figure, I'm going to have to go back and read some philosophy as a way to prep my mind.

What you may or may not know about me is that when I started college way back in 1997, I wanted to be a philosophy major. I took the classes and everything. But I quickly realized how much I couldn't stand just raw philosophy. See, philosophy students basically think they're sweet and act like their sweet and think they have some magical key to understanding. And yes, I think this is true for all philosophy students. Everyone i've ever met, except maybe my uncle Mike. But anyway, I couldn't stand that, because so much of philosophy is just talking about bullshit that doesn't have an effect on the real world. So, I eventually moved away from pure philosophy to religious studies and to politics. But, from my perspective, I was still, very much a philosophy student. I studied eastern religions, and early christian thought as a way to develop my own thinking on life, religion, stuff like that. And I took classes about philosophers talking about religion. And I took politics classes that tended to stress political theory rather than data analysis. You see, there is one thing that I like about pure philosophy: study and learnign for the sake of study and learning. That's basically what I'm all about.

So, then, tho, why would I want to develop my own phenomology if I found pure philosophy so stupid? Well, i think it may actually be an interesting thought experiment and somethign that could be valuable on a purely personal level. And I spend a lot of time alone and thinking. and my mind wanders. And I have these inner dialogues going on that I often feel like I need to work out. I think it's another INTJ thing, maybe.

On a tangentially related topic... I've been getting a lot of ego-boosting moral support recently. I don't really accept compliments very well. self esteem issues. I don't always feel very comfortable in my own skin, as I once heard said. But it's been nice. very nice. I forget that people out there care. I forget it and I don't know why. Or, probably more accurately, I don't recognize it and I don't know why. I don't know why i'm always expecting everything to fall apart. But I'm trying to relize. and I'm trying to be more self confident. Suzi tells me that 30 year old Stephen is no logner allowed to be self depricating. But I'm just so GOOD at it. ;)

One final note. Im thinking of starting another blog (again, after the bar) that's dedicated to movie and music news. and i was thinking about doing an accompanying podcast with it. I think I'd mostly like to feature trailers from movies I want to see and upcoming music releases. Maybe reviews. who knows.