le weekend

So, I'm not realy sure what's wrong wtih me any more. I spent this weekend stressing out and being pissy... and did I even get done what I needed to get done? Of course not. Really, all I accomplished was to increase my stress levels and got pissier.
I'm at that point where I really want to run away from school, from life, from ohio, from everything. I really don't know what's up
On the plus side, I have been to the movies several times recently. Last weekend, Nooree was nice enough to go to Nightmare 3D with me (thanks Nooree, it was awesome of you) and this week, Sean and Suzi both were caught by my incessant nagging about how awesome it is. 'cause its awesome.
I really do think I'd be happy at that program at brown. But, It'd be super hard. I have no production background. No educational background. All I am is a crappy lawyer who won't admit it yet. I haven't told anyone yet, but I've been looking at doing an LLM next year and then maybe (maybe) working as an attorney after that. I could do IP! I don't hate it. Sure, I may hate myself for copping out, and hate my job, but I wouldn't hate the part where I actually started paying off my loans.
Its not like me to worry so much about loans. It didn't start realy until just the past couple of weeks. When I realized that I will be in debt forever. And the only work experience I have paid me just barely enough to live at home. I really dont want to be 30 and living with mom and dad and working some shit job, after going thru 3 years of mental hell. This whole school thing has been a terrible experience in almost every way possible--good god, please dont let that happen.
So, i'm lookiing at jobs teaching high school. It sounds pretty terrible. Actually, that's not fair.... it only sounds terrible because I'll have a JD. Normally, law school is what teachers do to escape teaching.... not the other way around.
Then, last night, I went out to Spagio's with Simon and Sarah.... Again, I'm not quite sure what's wrong with me. I've been whinning for so long that i have nothing to do and no one to do it with... and for the past 2 weeks I've actually dont things with people... yet, after I left last night, I was like really super alone...I went home and went to bed and all I really wanted to do was stay up all night and watch movies with someone...
That's the best part of winter vacation. Late nights watching shitty TV with Andrew.... Those days are at an end, i guess....
I want to grow up... why can't I? I don't understand why I cant let go of the past.. is that normal? I don't think so.... I don't know
Mike's been trying to encourage me to ask more women out... ok, that's not quite true... he's been trying to get me to ask anyone out... What's weird about this is that its very unmike.... Maybe he's lonely out there in Iowa, espeically now that he's single. I dunno. But its definately very unmike...I'm not quite sure how to deal with it. is it because we are both getting old? I've known mike now for i think 17 years. that's a scarey thought.
Kathryn told me I should try match.com. I don't think I'm that lonely yet.
And Gender is making me think about sad times.... about 'teh dark times' as I call them. Why can't I just let go of the past.
I need a dog. I miss Libby. I hope that whereever I go next year, I can take Yoshii. Oddly, tho, i'm lonely but i dont really want to be around people. Well, I would like maybe a family group hug. Kathryn, we miss you. I once read that we should hug more because it would be good for us as people. I'm kinda worried that my stress and that whole no-eating thing from a few years back are going to kill my heart way earlier than they should. So, maybe I need a hug.... Or just a libby. Either way, I'm thinking I'm shit out of luck.