ugh... saturday

So, I'm fed up. This shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone reading, of course.....and so its probably a little redundant to mention it, but I just can't seem to perk myself up. I've been working at a murderous clip and right now, i just can't seem to force myself to do anything. I've got so much work to do that I can't do anything. It's a shite state of affairs. I really want to go home. I want to hang out with mom and dad and andrew and then the family tomorrow, but I know that if I leave, i will absolutly get nothing done. As it stands right now, I may still be able to eek out some work... just not this second. But if I leave, its done... it will just be staying up late and watching tv with andrew and not doing my application, and not outlining, and not working on journal.

Oh, Journal. I hate journal. I spent approximately 40+ over the past week on one article. Its been insane.... I can't continue with this... I need to do the things I actually need to do, not this bullshit. I feel bad because a bit bitchy to Erin earlier, but i just can't take it... I'm ready to snap.
Oh, and I asked that girl out.... well, truth be told, I sent her an email asking if she wanted to go out to dinner.... and no response... at all... not even a 'go to hell, fucker' or a 'with you? ick!' So I think that the silence is actually really bad, at least for me. As I said the other day, I would prefer brutal honesty... But I just don't get women. I don't. non scio. wakarimasen. i don't know. That whole thing would be a lot easier if one of two things were true: 1. people were super open/honest about it.... and it was socially 'ok' to be that open. 2. we all had thought bubbles that popped over our heads that revealed out inner workings, comic style. But no... neither is going to happen any time soon.... I'm not really that torn up about the whole girl thing-to be honest, i'm no fun right now and I barely have time to sleep any more-but it unfortunately just fits in with how everything has been for me recently. In a word: frustrating....

This really has been a terrible semester for me emotionally. I'm trying to shake it off, but i can't. So I've been spending money in some vein attempt to cheer myself up (a habit of mine) and its just not working, so I spend more money, and it doesn't work, then I get depressed about how much money i've spent... ugh.

Two positive notes: first, I went to whole foods to try their pizza the other day. and it was fan fucking tastic. I got the vegan one-balsamic roasted portabellos (which normally I dont care for so much) and garlic.... the sauce was nice and salty, the mushrooms were perfectly done, and the garlic was super tasty (normally I dont like too much garlic). Next time I remember, I'll take a picture. second, Suzi, Sean, and I all have tenative plans to see the Nightmare before Christmas in 3D next week. I saw it last year, and it ruled. so, if I can make it till then without combusting or somethign, and if they are still up for it. that should be awesome. Actually, i'l go by myself even if they don't want to go. Its sweet.

ugh... ok, enough fuckign around. back to work.