It's just me

I don't get why I break out every time I pluck my eyebrows. Let me roll that back a little bit. I dont get why i even have to pluck my eyebrows. I have basically no body hair anywhere except for my bushy, Portuguese eyebrows. My face grows in what Andrew and I call our smarmy Portuguese pirate look. and even on my legs would barely have any hair, even if I didn't shave them. It's a cycling thing. But the one bad thing about being Portuguese is my crazy eyebrows. Why do they have to grow together? And of course I pluck them... almost every day since I was 17... and i can't count the number fo times I've broken out like within a day or less.

I think one reason I wear my glasses and not my contacts is that it helps me cover up. I've been thinking about wearing my contacts more, but I feel more self conscious when I dont have my glasses on..... maybe it's because I'm just not used to it... or maybe it actually has some odd phychological link to a "mask" that I wear for the world? is it a way to separate myself, ever so slightly? Perhaps. I dont think so tho.. I think that's a little too speculative.. I think it's just because I'm not used to myself with contacts in.

The bar draws ever closer and I get ever more nerous. I can't sleep and I end up staying up and writing these things or sending emails until I get sleepy. Last night I made a video thingy on animoto.. it was funny, i think. I dunno.... I sent it out to one person; i didn't post it on youtube or anything. Animoto is pretty neat.... I can't wait until its all over just so i can go out again. I've basically stopped answering my phone (not that it rings often) and I've basically stopped going anywhere (except the library, for a "fun" change of environments)... I'm pretty nervous, but mainly i'm just burnt out. im tired all the time now a days.

I've really been thinking about what if I have to take teh bar again. not just if i fail, but if i get a job somewhere and then take the bar there? Ugh.... I suppose getting a job would be nice, and there is some odd level of 'glory' i'd have for taking multiple bars...but im so tired and burnt out right now. ugh. I have this feeling it was stupid and crazy of me to take teh oregon bar and not like the Ohio bar. or the anything closer to home and more logical bar.

oh well... who knows... I've decided that I should probably cave and start applying to firms to see if one of them will take me...It wouldn't be so bad if they let me to IP, right? but i'll probably run into the same problems. so it goes. And I really really want to keep my earrings in unless they say something. i mean, people barely recognize them... My own parents didn't know I had 2 for years.... and it's not like I wear big hoops or a barbell or anything (tho, i was thinking about putting my barbell back in)

ah sigh.... tired... need to do somethign then go to bed. can't wait till its over so i can start seeing people again. i need out of the house.

ps. Nina Simone's voice was amazing. everyone likes this song; because it rules.