blindingly tired

Another day closer. I've lost focus. I'm so tired; i could sleep all day tomorrow. that'd be nice. I can't really sleep at night any more. I go to bead with rules in my head... honestly tho I need to memorize more. the past couple of days have been workshop days... less memorization, more technique.

Its no secret that I'm in love with Wall-E. I was telling Jason that it's easily one of my favorite movies ever made. I could watch it every day....there's so much that i love about it, but i'm sure the main reason that I love the movie is that I identify and feel compassion and concern for Wall-E, perhaps more than almost any other character I've seen in a movie. because Wall-E is just a lonely guy who does his thing every day because that's what he's supposed to do and he wishes he had someone to share his world with. How many of us are just like that? I know I am. And then, like all movies that star a goofie schlub, he falls for the prettiest girl on the block (sure, she's the only girl on the block, but she's also the prettiest), EV-E. But its not just because she's pretty and so many things that he isn't. But its also because he so desperately wants to show somone, just one someone, all of the great and curious things in his world. He wants to show her why he loves Hello Dolly. It's so sweet. I wont lie, I cried about 2 times the first I saw it.... one scene in particular still chokes me up.

Yesterday I wrote about how i like to hug. In refernece to that, I was thinking about I want to hold your hand by the Beatles. In Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist (an ok movie.. i'd like to see it again...has one very odd quirk to it) one character makes the point that the Beatles really got it right there. That that song was the symbol of what it means to be close (romantically) with another person. In Wall-E, it's similar, actually. Several times in the movie, he looks at EV-E's and and wants to reach out and take it, but he's nervous. He's not sure if its right.
And then i started thinking that holding hands is, or can be, oddly bonding, or intimate. I say oddly, because its really just your hand. You use it for everything, literally... why should it mean anything to hold hands with another person? Im not sure. perhaps its that lingering contact. Im sure that's part of it, but i dont think its everything. Perhaps its a degree of submission? I'm not sure. Maybe the Beatles were on to something. Maybe Wall-E has yet another message i dearly love.

Again, i need to stop writing these things when i've been alone all day studying. I need more human contact, but i've been spending every day either locked in my room, or at the library, or somewhere else without real human contact.