turkey day!

So, despite the amazing amounts of work I have to do, I decided to go home for turkey day... However, I'll be headed back to cbus later this evening.... provided there isn't a blizzard or something. Right now, its snowing a bit, so that's a distinct possibility Still, I've driven thru some awful weather, so maybe I shouldn't be worried too to much. Things right now are ok. I've gotten some work done, but not worked on my paper which I really need to focus on starting tonight. so, instead, I've been studying for patents... its going a bit ruff... lots o info.

I think I've cajoled jason into reading this blog now... so that's exciting. hanging out with him last night was awesome. Old friends are basically incomparable.... And i was thinking, I've actually known Jason now for more than 7 years. bordering on 8, actually. that's a shit load of time... and makes me say 'where the fuck has the time gone' yet again. Kathryn tries to tell me i'm not old... but the reason I feel so old is because I haven't even kinda begun a real life yet... and I won't begin a real life for another 6 years... I guess that part of the reason I've been so anxious about Sarah is not just because I haven't dated in so long...but its because I'd like something stable in my life. As bad as some of the times with Marta were, at least she was awesome that she always wanted to talk to me and always wanted to see me. It was stable. it was real. and it was consistent. And it was nice to feel wanted. Now, well, I know that some people would worry about me if I wasn't around for a couple of days, but I really can't prove it..... and I guess that's it... I feel old because i'm 'behind' where I imagined my life at this point and because I'm taking steps to just stretch that out.... talking with Jason, its tru, I'd like to just work and make money and not worry too much about stuff... but, some sort of egoism is forcing me to stay in school,learn something cool, and get that phd, and teach... i know that I could be happy just working some job that pays well enough to buy my cds once a week... but my ego won't let me... I want to be more tao. I want to get rid of humanly wants..... but I just can't sem to cast my ego away...not yet anyway.

so, on a final note, I think I'm going to post over at myspace more frequently. The fact that people comment on my posts over there makes me feel nice.. makes me remember that people actually do care enough to read this drivel. And, I secretly hope that Sarah reads it. Because I've been awkward recently because I dont know what she thinks and I just can't seem to spit out what I want to.

ok.. back to patents... happy tofurkey day