hope.... :(

I often think about how unfortunate it is that we are human. Sure, we have neat-o things like movies and the Nintendo Wii... but really, for my money, I think it'd be better if we were more like other animals. Today, I'm thinking mostly of the peculiar human condition of hope. I'm sure it comes form the human grasp of the future. That there is something out there to reach for. That things can be better. But I wish I could just live in the present. I wish my main concerns were finding food to eat and getting someone to let me outside because either I have to pee or because there is someone out there that I need to harass. Instead, i'm stuck with hope. But its the terrible kind of hope. Because I think that there are at least 2 ways that hope can manifest. One is the "OMG it would be so sweet if this happens" hope. I think that Libby feels that way every time you walk to the door. "OMG it would be totally sweet if he opened that door open openopenopenopen." But then there is the depressed sort of hope. "God I hope this happens.. but I know it won't." Now, at first, I would have said depression is the opposite of hope. But I now realize that they are actually closely related. At least, sorta. Depression is, in someways, hopelessness. But in others, it is like unrealistic hope. It is hoping but knowing that it can't happen. And that's probably the worst thing that hope can do to you. It makes you see a rosy future then takes it away from you. Evilly. I hate 'getting my hopes up' because I've learned that everytime I do, they are dashed on the rocks. And i feel my hope building for a couple of things right now.... and it scares me. frightens me.... because i know that all my hopes will fall.