coffee goes with sugar, sugar is a drug, 14 packs of sugar in the coffee cup i chug

Coffee - A.W.O.L.

Every time i take a break from coffee, i think to myself, why the hell am i doing this? Its not the caffeine. really. honestly. the worst withdraw symptom i have is a little headache and my sleep patterns are changed. maybe. it really depends. sometimes i have nothing. But the problem is I like coffee...not only do i really love the flavor (I wish all the coffee drinkers i know could come with me to portland for a cup from stumptown. absolute best I've had). but more importantly, i love the image of coffee. I've often thought that there are basically 3 stephens. There's the "character me:" that is, what I would be like if I were in a book or movie (and who would play me. Ethan Hawke or Johnny Depp, obviously). Then there's the Stephen that I see/consciously or subconsciously try to be. And then there is the stephen that I actually am. I think this is probably true for all people. we have something that we want to be and something we see ourselves as and something that we actually are. and the thing is, I'm a coffee drinker in all 3 of those personae. Movie me (johnny depp) is cool, slightly distant, highly introspective and perspective, and sucks down coffee (and I used to think cigarettes, but recently I've been extra down on smoking). The me i put forward expresses his love of caffeine and coffee, only makes french press for himself, and sucks down coffee. And the actual me, well, normally i'm a coffee drinker. so, these times of abstinence mess with my personal image. Problem is, how i view myself is always struggling for control over myself and i hate the thought that i'm not in control (one reason i'm not too big on being intoxicated, normally...especially when people say 'have a drink; it'll help you relax.) and I hate the thought of being dependent on caffeine (even tho, as i said, i have no withdraw symptoms).

anyway, i feel like its time to go full blast back into coffee. i miss it. and now, its comin' back.

Ziggy Stardust (1999 Digital Remaster) - David Bowie