All hail phil, the woodchuck

Apparently Phil the Groundhog saw his shadow today which means 6 more weeks of cold and grey. I could have told you that.

I posed the question today whether people in California understand the movie Groundhog day. And indeed, did it do any money across the world? Because it seems like such a quaint, small town, old America thing, that I can imagine other people who see it would approach the movie with a "huh?" I mean, looking at teh town of punxsutawney reminds me of chardon or munson or hudson or any of the other 1000 tiny towns aroudn here...i wonder if anyone else can relate in the same way..

that being said, I think the movie is actually, genuinely, quite good. not just because its hysterically funny, but also because it makes me think of what i'd do if i had ot relive the same day over and over for years. I think it's interesting that he goes insane for a while... because I think that would have to happen. Then the movie poses the question of why he's stuck in the Mobius stip of groundhog days. And it boils down to 2 things: 1. improving his own life, and 2. getting Andie Macdowell to like him. So, then is it really a movie about Karma? Well, maybe... but i think its more a movie about getting the chance to really figure out what's important in life, but not wasting years and years doing it. Because it took Bill murray in that movie literally years to escape the loop. but for his body, it was only a day. and he figured out what was important. And he stopped being an ass. And he moved on. The rest of us spend years, even our whole lifes, searchign for the same. Trying to find out what's important. trying to get the girl. trying to get people to like us, briefly going insane. But we spend lifetimes failing and getting back up again. If only I could learn it all in one day.

I think its interesting too because Bill Murray was able to go back and actually fix his mistakes. how much would i give for that? and how much would i give to know the right thing to say, ever. I never ever know the right thing to say.

Perhaps there is a real, honest lesson to be learned from groundhog day. Perhaps I am stuck in a loop. Sure. of course i am. the question is, how do i get out? Dont be an ass and find my andie macdowel? who knows?

Days studying for the bar are odd. I work and work but dont really feel like im going anywhere with it. whatever. focus hurts right now. i need to get over this little bit of burn out



Bill Murray deserved an oscar for Rushmore. Its a great performance. For some reason, I've always loved the line that ends this scene. "She's my Rushmore, Max." "Yea, she was mine, too." That thing that drives you beyond your better judgement? Drives you to act crazy, unlike yourself, just for the chance to obtain it? But the truth is, you may never get it? Is Rushmore that unattanible level of achievement? That brass ring that is always just out of reach? Do we all have 'Rushmores?' I think I have many? I think I only reach for things I can't get... maybe. I dont know.

TAAAAAAX

Thanks for the memories.

As of yesterday around 4pm, Winnie Cooper left my life. And I was genuinely a little sad. I know it's silly... I just can't help it. I think it boils down to 3 basic thoughts. First, she was my first car that I chose, I picked out, and I put all the miles on. Before, I'd only had used cars that were picked out and paid for by the parents. But Winnie. She was mine, from teh model, to the color, to the monthly payments. Second, she was really my dream car when I got her. WhenI was looking for a car 4 years ago, I had the thought of Civic or corolla in my mind. I just couldn't imagine being able to afford anything else. But We priced them out, and the mini was basically the same as i was paying for my accord right before that. And the Mini was like a dream to me. I loved the styling right up until the end. Just looking at it never got old. And I loved the color. Yellow with a black roof. My choice. A distinctive choice. And I love love love being a Mini Driver. Just the other day I had a note in my windshield wiper about how we mini drivers have to stick together. That's great.

Finally, it was yet another end of an era. Every time something comes to an "end" it forces me to look back, reminisce, think about what's happend since I got Winnie. Think about what's happened since I turned 16. Think about the time Kevin and I drove to Oberlin...the last time I was there.... to see Sufjan Stevens.... Think about the time Kevin, Andrew, Andy, and I went to see They Might Be Giants and I had to cram my car into the tiniest spot possible. and did. Think about my time in columbus...the few people who ever rode in Winnie. Sigh. I will miss her... as stupid as it is to miss a car.

I wish I could write more, but I'm just so tired. Bar studying takes so much out of me that by this time daily I'm about ready to pass out. Then when I try to, I can't sleep.

I just finished a tax practice essay. It went ok... I'd say if I'm aiming for the 'slide by' standard, I hit that. but not much more.

Bar studying goes. I'm supposed to do a practice MPT and Essay portion tomorrow, but I've decided to push it back by a day and do what i'm scheduled for on Friday. Nooree gave me a little pep talk yesterday, and that was nice. But I feel like I learn all this stuff very slowly. I dunno.I'm just scared. and tired.

I'm so totally moving to Hawaii if I'm still single, alone, and lonely when I turn 40. I'm just going to drop whatever I'm doing and go figure things out in paradise. My iGoogle theme is Hawaii, and sometimes i just stare at the surf. I've never surfed. I'd like to surf. It sounds fun. I used to skateboard. I should be able to surf. I'm tired. I think I'm delusional.

The below video doesn't really have anyting to do with Hawaii, except it's a ukulele orchestra. And Andrew, you've seen this I know. but anyone who hasn't, it's the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain playing the theme to the good the bad and the ugly (il bueno, il bruto, y il catevo) composed by Ennio Morricone (the great!). It's pretty damn bad ass. I need to practice more.

down like a clown

Long day of work. Just finished. going to bed. but have to brush teeth... so, stalling... because getting ready for bed sounds like a lot of work right now. I really should have done laundry... no socks. maybe i'll just buy socks tomorrow. Then i can put off laundry for another couple of days. Got some good work done today. Tomorrow has to be even better. So, I'm locking myself in my cave--the journal office. I like it when no one's there, but tnight the lights where humming and crushed my head. tired. tired... should just go to bed. seeing family and friends was nice... wish it was recharging... but instead it just reminded me of the conflicts... I like columbus more than i have at any time in the past. I've got stauf's, friends, some stableness, a possibly viable prospect for dating... but I'm moving away... it seems that everytime things start to get comfortable. Things start to feel normal... it gets taken away. Sure, its my fault this time... but still... still... god, i wonder what would have happened if borders had promoted me... woudl I be living in ann arbor right now? would I be a manger... I think its a possibility that I'd be in ann arbor... am i better off now? Will I be better off next year? tired tired tired... sleepy.. and wishing that I wasn't alone. Its not that I'm lonely..... its more like, I haven't used my voice for many hours...and I probably won't tomorrow very much... lock myself in the journal office.... no talky for a while, i guess.. oh well, tired tired tired.. neeeeeed to sleep... wish post was more interesting.

confused, pretty much normal

So, yesterday I hung out with an old friend from high school. I see her about once a year or so and its always a nice time. I've had this soft spot ffor Anne ever since high school--for whatever reason. Not in like a sexual way. I've never been intersted in her in that way. But just in that way that I've always enjoyed her company. But since we parted ways, i've been sorta melancholy. I'm not sure why, but I can't seem to break out of this funk. hrm

so, tonight i have free tickets to this movie day watch. its the sequal to a movie called night watch that i never saw, but I know was fairly well received. so, i have hopes, but either way, its free...

i've been having that feeling like I want to run away again. I get this way every so often and can't really shake it. And Im like that right now. I just want to split and hide and not come back.

I'm also blidingly tired. I feel like its tuesday back at borders where I could sleepwalk thru the first 6 hours or so of my day. I miss tuesdays. honestly. I would work still work tuesday mornings if I could. Fridays were rad, of course, but tuesdays were cool because it was my day. whatever.

must try to work. so tired.