well now

So, this case I'm working on keeps getting more interesting. not to go too far into it, to bore everyone reading, but we've chatted up a copyright expert who agrees with our position and he's like fantastically interesting and CRAZY! I really hope I get to meet him.

Sadly, I won't be sitting at counsel's table, but that's ok. I'll probably get some kick ass spectator's seats.

So now I'm sitting at Arabica doing some work and kinda listening to music. I'm feeling again like I need new music, but I'm not sure what new music I want.

And I'm trying to deal with the idea of being unemployed again in about a month or two. That's sad.

I have dreams but I can't ever seem to catch them. and I think I'm scared to try too hard, because not only am i afraid of failure, but i often wonder if i'm afraid of success as well. do i sabotage myself? who knows.

mom and i went to talk with tom markel, the financial adviser yesterday. finances are fantasticaly interesting simple and complex at the same time. I find it interesting what investment companies are willing to offer you for a whole lot of money. But, on the plus side, it will guarantee mom money for the rest of her life. That's one thing off my mind. Still, I dont feel right leaving. Mom was saying that I should go if i want to go, but the thing is, I feel like my life has changed dramatically. I dont want to think about going to school anymore because I feel like I need to try to support myself and, if necessary, help mom out. I mean, i've mooched off of her for 30 years now; its what I want to do. but I can't tell her that because she'll think i'm crazy. The truth is, i dont want to help unless its necessary... but if it is necessary, i want to be there. you see, mom and dad were there for me during my worst times: when I was trying to kill myself back after Oberlin and after I graduated college and after i graduated law school. they were there for me, they offered me food and a home, and I want to pay mom back and at the same time try to be what I never was during dad's life: successful and happy

ok, this is making me sad. I need to wrap it up and get back to work or i'll never focus again.