this post is brought to you from the onomatopoeia "sigh"

So. I wrote Lindsay an email yesterday and she wrote back. And it made me oddly mellancholy. Something she said about trying to watch Freaks and Geeks but getting sad because it reminded her of Kevin just made me a little sad. Borders was a strange place because the people I worked with were, almost to a man, awesome. And we had some really great times (I can hear Kevin reading the "every fucking friday evening" from my mind). but there were many.... many... many crappy parts. Actually, I suppose all the crappy parts boil down to 3 things: low pay, no respect, retarded policies/managers. that being said, I seriously doubt I will ever have that great a time with that many great people again. Sigh.... Ive been slightly weirded out recently by the fact that next year I will probably be moving away from Columbus. There is basically no way that OSU will accept me into their program. And what's odd about that is that finally, after 4 years living here, I'm starting to feel like there are things I like about Columbus. I mean, the fact that I have no family or friends here sucks.... but I love my coffee shop. I love riding my bike to most places I need to go. I like Grandview. I just wish that anyone who may be reading this could be here too.
Stauf's is really my kind of place because it is just a place to go and hang out. I hate sitting in my apartment. I ahve always hated just sitting in the house. Well, here I sit... i read... I work... all things I could do at home, but I just like being here. I feel much more comfortable here than in my apartment. I feel much more like this is a 'home' for me and my apartment is just a place a stay. I used to just hang out with my friends. we didnt really 'do' all that much; we just kinda sat around... maybe played some scrabble, shot the shit, drank coffee...
and then... all that vanished. now everyone needs to do something. they need an excuse to be out. they would rather be at home. I usually need more of an excuse to be at home (want to be with the family, drunk, wow).
That being said... one of my fucked up juxtopositions in life is that if not pushed (either by myself or by someone else) I won't break routine.... so, stauf's is my 'home' where i am comfortable hanging out... but then people suggest we do somethign out of the routine and my first reaction is 'ummmm... well.' I try, when i realize that I'm doing that, to do the opposite (george costanza style)... but its tuff.

Columbus does have that major down side of 'no friends here.' I have work buddies. i have people i know... but i dont have anyone that i'd really call 'friend.' sigh...
on that note... i find it interesting that I have several long distance friends right now... Kevin. Jason... Mike... Andrew... people I never see (or rarely)... but I talk to....
I used to think it was diffficult to maintain friendships when you never see people... but id say that my relationships with jason, kevin, and andrew are pretty damn strong... I wonder why that is?/???? Did I change from a hang out friend to a phone friend? hrmmm... (not that I talk to andrew all that much... but, because of my brief dabble in insanity... I can easily call him a better friend that i think most people with brothers that are 7 years their junior.)
My research is going less well than I had hoped at this point. Its just very slow and frustrating because I dont feel like I'm getting all that I can. Oh well... i think my profs are happy with it, so that's good.
I'm not sleeping much right now... i feel like calvin and trying to pack as much into every day as possible.
I've rambled quite a bit here... i actually need to do something constructive. taaaaa